3 Balloons Album Tab

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                                   3   B a l l o o n s   ( 2 0 0 9 )
                T h e   U n o f f i c i a l   O n l i n e   G u i t a r   C h o r d s
                                       S T E P H E N   L Y N C H
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                   +--------------------------PLEASE NOTE--------------------------+
                   + This file is the work of Jordan Lapping and represents his    +
                   + transcription of the album. You may only use this file for    +
                   + private study, scholarship, or research. The contents may not +
                   + be duplicated for use with other websites without written     +
                   + permission. Thank you for understanding. Enjoy.               +
                   +---------------------------------------------------------------+
 
 
                    ARTIST:   Stephen Lynch
                    ALBUM:    3 Balloons (2009)
                    GERNE:    Comedy
                    SONGS:
                              1. Waiting
                              2. Fishin' Hole
                              3. Dear Diary 1
                              4. Crazy Peanuts
                              5. 3 Balloons
                              6. Dear Diary 2
                              7. Medieval Bush
                              8. A History Lesson
                              9. Dear Diary 3
                             10. You (Prettier Than)
                             11. The Ballad of Scarface
                             12. America
                             13. Dear Diary 4
                             14. Hallelujah
                             15. [BONUS] Newer Dear Diary Entires
 
 
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1.                                       W a i t i n g
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     A  Asus4 Am7   B7   C Cmaj7/G D    E    Em
e]---0----0----0---(0)---0----x----2----0----0---|
B]---2----3----1----0----1----0----3----0----0---|
G]---2----2----0----2----0----0----2----1----0---|
D]---2----2----2----1----2----2----0----2----2---|
A]---0----0----0----2----3----3---------2----2---|
E]----------------------------3---------0----0---|
 
 
 INTRO:
||: Em       | Em       :|| (x2)
 
 
 
 VERSE 1:
Em
    It’s out of my hands and all I can do it wait
Cmaj7/G
    It’s the not knowing that has put me in this state
Am7
    The minutes feel like hours, the tension is too great
B7
    I’ve done my part so now it’s in the hands of fate
 
 
 
 CHORUS 1:
          Em                   C
  Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
       D                                      B7
  I shouldn’t have fucked that prostitute without a prophylactic
          Em                   C
  Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
      D                               B7
  Regret is dripping from me like my semen down her crack
             Em
  And now I wait
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
Em
     My nerves; they have been frayed, my pants; they have been shat
Cmaj7/G
     I know the nurse will say, “It’s time to have a chat”
Am7
     At least I’ll never worry about getting fat
B7                                  N/C
     I should think positive – no, wait! I didn’t say that!
 
 
 
 CHORUS 2:
          Em                   C
  Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
     D                                 B7
  I never should have blown the tranny in my Cadillac
          Em                   C
  Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
          D                                  B7
  I just had to taste that sweet, forbidden nectar from his sack
             Em
  And now I wait
 
 
 
 VERSE 3:
Em
     Is it over, will my jersey be retired?
Cmaj7/G
     Will my name stitched upon a quilt be required?
Am7
     Did I make a difference, was my life inspired?
B7   N/C
     Will Denzel Washington defend me when I’m fired?
 
 
 
 CHORUS 3:
          Em                   C
  Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
   D                              B7
  Eating assholes shouldn’t be an aphrodisiac
          Em                   C
  Waiting for my AIDS test to come back
   D                             B7                               Em
  If I’m clean I swear to God I will stop shooting smack... probably
 
 
 
 PRE-BRIDGE:
|| Em       | A    Asus4 A ||
 
 
 
 BRIDGE:
   Em                   A   Asus4  A       Em                A    Asus4  A
  Boys and girls don't be naïve,          take it from your Uncle Steve
   Em                  A  Asus4  A         Em               A     Asus4  A
  AIDS cares not whom it affects,         caught from unprotected sex
   Em                A      Asus4  A         Em             A    Asus4  A
  Sharing needles, blood or spit,         or piss or semen, even shit
          Em                 A     Asus4  A         Em              A        Asus4  A
  From handshakes, sneezes, toilet seats,     from monkey bites and uncooked meats
        Em               A         Asus4  A         Em              A     Asus4  A
  From dirty coins and dreadlocked hair,      from certain children in daycare
Em                  A       Asus4  A         Em               A    Asus4  A
  Drinking water, breathing air,          I tell you, AIDS is everywhere
 
      C                 D
  Oh God, I can't take anymore
      C                   D
  I think I'll run right out that door
       C                        D
  But wait - the nurse comes straightaway
   C                 D
  Tell me, what does my test say...?
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
       E
  I’m OK!
  D    E
  I’m OK!
        D        E
  It’s just chlamydia...
 
 
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2.                                   F i s h i n '   H o l e
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     A7   B7   C    D    G
e]---0---(0)---0----2----3---|
B]---2----0----1----3----0---|
G]---0----2----0----2----0---|
D]---2----1----2----0----0---|
A]---0----2----3---------2---|
E]-----------------------3---|
 
 
 VERSE 1:
G                              A7
  Wanted to have some quality time with my son
C                                       G
  So I brought him down to the fishing hole
G                                     A7
  He didn't like the feeling of that worm in his hand
       C                           D
  Got mad, threw down his fishing pole
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
G                                     A7
  I said, "That's alright, son. Let's go and get an ice cream"
C                               G
  "Let your old man buy you a treat"
G                                A7
  But he didn't like no flavours up upon that wall
            C                         D
  Started crying, and ran into the street
 
 
 
 CHORUS 1:
           G                   B7
  He's an asshole, my kid's an asshole
C                                 G
  I swear he just don't float my boat
          G              B7
  Always crying, always crying
C                                          G
  Make me wanna punch him in his little throat
 
 
 
 VERSE 3:
G                         A7
  I called my lady up to tell her what had happened
C                       G
  How our son had run away
G                               A7
  She said, "Don't worry, baby. I will talk to him"
C                          D
  "And everything will be OK"
 
 
 
 CHORUS 2:
                G                B7
  My lady's an asshole, she's an asshole
C                                G
  Her assholishness is off the charts
          G               B7
  Always perfect, always perfect
C                                      G
  Make me wanna punch her in her lady-parts
 
 
 
 WHISTLE:
|| G        | A7       | C        | D        ||
 
 
 
 VERSE 4:
G                   A7
  I decided I'd go down to the bar
C                            G
  And drown my sorrows in a beer
G                              A7
  But the sign outside said 'Closed For Renovations'
C                           D
 'We'll open up again next year'
 
 
 
 CHORUS 3:
                  G               B7
  That bar is an asshole, it's an asshole
C                           G
  Oh, the worst bar in the land
           G              B7
  Always closing, always closing
C                                             G
  Can't punch a bar, 'cause you'll hurt your hand
 
 
 
 WHISTLE:
|| G        | A7       | C        | D        ||
 
 
 
 VERSE 5:
G                    A7
  I went home to forget about my troubles
C                                 G
  Sat down in my favourite Easy Chair
G                               A7
  But I couldn't relax for the pain I was feeling
C                             D
  As my hemorrhoid began to flair
 
 
 
 CHORUS 4:
                  G               B7
  My asshole's an asshole, a real butthole
C                                    G
  Needs to put his asshole-self in check
          G               B7
  Always burning, always itching
C                                         G
  Make me wanna punch him in his asshole neck
 
 
 
 WHISTLE:
|| G        | A7       | C        | D        ||
 
 
 
 BRIDGE:
G                 A7                 C                       G
  Late one night lying awake in bed,    mmmm, a realization came
G                           A7                  C                      D
  Are there really assholes everywhere I look,    or am I the one to blame?
G                      A7                           C                            G
  Maybe I just do not say the things I should say,     and I don't do the things I ought
G                                  A7
  So I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror
C                      D
  And this is what I thought...
 
 
 
 CHORUS 5:
  N/C
  The guy who sold me this mirror's
      G               B7
  An asshole, he's an asshole
C                               G
  Son of a bitch said it was antique
          G             B7
  He was lying, he was lying
C                                           G
  Make me wanna punch him in his salesman cheek
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
C                          G
  I'm on a real asshole streak
C                               G
  I could open up an asshole bootique
C                                    G
  I think this song has reached its peak
C                                     G
  Goodbye, you asshole, see you next week
 
 
 
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3.                                   D e a r   D i a r y   1
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     Am   C    Em   F    G   G/B
e]---0----0----0----1----3----0---|
B]---1----1----0----1----0----1---|
G]---2----0----0----2----0----0---|
D]---2----2----2----3----0----0---|
A]---0----3----2----3----2----2---|
E]-------------0----1----3--------|
 
 
 INTRO:
    C                 Em
e]--------------------------0~--------|
B]------------------------0----0------|
G]-----0-----0-----0----0--------0----|
D]-------0h2---0h2-----------------2--| (x2)
A]--3~--------------------------------|
E]--------------------0---------------|
 
 
 VERSE:
    C              Em
e]--------0~-------------0~--------|
B]------1----1---------0----0------|
G]----0--------0-----0--------0----|
D]---------------2--------------2--| (x4)
A]--3------------------------------|
E]-----------------0---------------|
 
    F              G                C        Cmaj9    Am               F               G
e]--------1~-------------3~-------|-------0--------0--------0~-------|-------1~----------3--|
B]------1----1---------0----0-----|-----1--------1--------1----1-----|-----1----1--------0--|
G]----2--------2-----0--------0---|---0--------0--------2--------2---|---2--------2------0--|
D]---------------3--------------0-|--------------------------------2-|--------------3----0--|
A]--------------------------------|-3--------2--------0--------------|-------------------2--|
E]--1--------------3--------------|----------------------------------|-1---------------3-3--|
 
C                 Em
  Dear Diary - today was a good day
C             Em
  Papa and I picked wild flowers
C                     Em
  Mama joined and we lay in the sunshine
C                   Em
  Then we sang and danced for hours
 
 F                        G
  I know tomorrow will be even better
 C       Cmaj9      Am
  So the good Lord I thank
         F              G
  I'll write more later. Love,
  N/C   (C)
  Anne Frank
 
 
 OUTRO:
    C                 Em              C
e]--------------------------0~------------0~~~--|
B]------------------------0----0---------1~~~---|
G]-----0-----0-----0----0--------0------0~~~----|
D]-------0h2---0h2-----------------2---2~~~-----|
A]--3~--------------------------------3~~~------|
E]--------------------0-------------------------|
 
 
 
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4.                                   C r a z y   P  e a n u t s
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
    A5   C5   D5   E5   F5   G    G5
e]---------------------------3-------|
B]---------------------------0-------|
G]-------5----7--------------0-------|
D]--7----5----7----2----3----0----5--|
A]--7----3----5----2----3----2----5--|
E]--5--------------0----1----3----3--|
 
 
 INTRO:
   C5 / D5        A5         C5        G5
e|------------------------------------------|
B|------------------------------------------|
G|--5/7-7--xxxx-------xxxx--5-5--xxxx-------|
D|--5/7-7--xxxx--7-7--xxxx--5-5--xxxx--5-5--| (x2)
A|--3/5-5--xxxx--7-7--xxxx--3-3--xxxx--5-5--|
E|---------xxxx--5-5--xxxx-------xxxx--3-3--|
 
 
 
 VERSE 1:
C5 / D5                A5                       C5                 G5    C5 / D5
  Charlie Brown had a big blockhead, wore a stripey sweater every day
                      A5                        C5                      G5    C5 / D5
  Tried to kick that football, but Lucy always pulled the motherfucker away
                         A5                   C5                         G5     C5 / D5
  He flew a kite just to try to relax, but he always put that shit in a tree
                 A5                        C5                        G5
  And the little red-headed girl wouldn't give no play to poor Chuck B
        F5                              E5             G
  They were the baddest fuckers in the funny papers - PEANUTS!
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
  C5 / D5
  (Ah-oh)
            A5              C5                   G5    C5 / D5
  Onto a security blanket, Linus Van Pelt would latch  (Ah-oh)
                         A5                       C5                   G5    C5 / D5
  He snuggled into that bitch to keep warm while waiting in a pumpkin patch  (Ah-oh)
                       A5                   C5                       G5   C5 / D5
  Had a stalker named Sally Brown; well she always tried to get her some  (Ah-oh)
                                 A5                           C5                       G5
  She loved the way he knew the meaning of Christmas and the sexy way he sucked that thumb
         F5               E5               G
  Well watch out, 'cause here they come - PEANUTS!
 
 
 
 CHORUS 1:
C5 / D5  A5       C5    G5
     Oh Peanuts, crazy Peanuts
D5            A5         C5     G5
  A bunch of kids trying to be free
D5         A5       C5    G5
  Take my hand and let's dance now
D5        A5                C5      G5
  Under Charlie's shitty Christmas Tree
 
 
 VERSE 3:
  C5 / D5
  (Ah-oh)
             A5                    C5                  G5    C5 / D5
  Oh Marcie was best friends with Patty, 'Patty Peppermint'  (Ah-oh)
                         A5                       C5                     G5    C5 / D5
  She would love to do things to that girl that Charles M. Schulz can't print  (Ah-oh)
                A5             C5                        G5    C5 / D5
  Pigpen was a dusty dude who couldn't keep his own ass clean  (Ah-oh)
                         A5                 C5                  G5
  All the teachers said "Wa wa wa wa wa" - what does that shit mean?
         F5               E5               G
  Well watch out, 'cause here they come - PEANUTS!
 
 
 
 CHORUS 2:
C5 / D5  A5       C5    G5
     Oh Peanuts, crazy Peanuts
D5         A5            C5       G5
  Coming from The School of Hard Knocks
D5           A5      C5       G5
  Life's not always bowls of candy
D5              A5          C5     G5
  Sometimes you only get a bag of rocks...
 
 
 
 BRIDGE:
  C5 / D5
  (Ah-oh)
   N/C
  Lucy was a psychiatrist but her comments always gave offence  (Ah-oh)
   N/C
  And the bitch couldn't make no money, 'cause she charged a motherfucker five cents
  C5 / D5                      A5                            C5                   G5
  (Ah-oh) You know the ladies love some Schroeder 'cause he played them '88s real good
  C5 / D5                    A5                     C5                    G5
  (Ah-oh) And Franklin was a real cool cat, but the only brother in that hood
        F5                E5               G
  Well watch out, 'cause here they come - PEANUTS!
 
 
 
 CHORUS 3:
C5 / D5  A5       C5    G5
     Oh Peanuts, crazy Peanuts
D5               A5             C5        G5
  Poor Charlie Brown, you will never get laid
D5         A5      C5   G5
  It's so hard to get pussy
D5                 A5             C5     G5
  When you're the baldest kid in second grade
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
C5 / D5  A5       C5    G5
     Oh Peanuts, crazy Peanuts
D5            A5         C5      G5
  A bunch of kids trying to be free
D5         A5       C5    G5
  Take my hand and let's dance now
D5        A5                C5       G5          C5 / D5
  Under Charlie's shitty Christmas Tree
 
 
 
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5.                                    3   B a l l o o n s
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     A    Asus4    Bm     D    Dsus2 Dsus2/F Dsus2/G  G
e]---x------x------2------2------0-----(0)----(0)-----3---|
B]---2------3------3------3------3------3------3------0---|
G]---2------2------4------2------2------2------2------2---|
D]---2------2------4------0------0------0------0------0---|
A]---0------0------2--------------------x------x------0---|
E]--------------------------------------1------3------3---|
 
 
 INTRO:
||:  Dsus2  Dsus2/F  | Dsus2/G   Asus4 A :|| (x2)
||  D                | D                  ||
 
 
 
 VERSE 1:
     Bm                              G
  I call you from my car to say I'll be there in a while
      D                                 A
  A short plane ride and I will get to see your pretty smile
   Bm                      G
  Nothing on the radio, I fiddle with the dial
    D                               A
  Then I see a sign; the airport's just another mile
 
 
 
 PRE-CHORUS 1:
      Bm                G              D              A
  I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly
      Bm           G         D               A
  And as I near security, I almost start to cry
 
 
 
 CHORUS 1:
          D              G                A
  Well I hope the Law Enforcement agents can't tell from my face
           D               G            A
  I got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place
         D              G              A
  I'm sweating and I'm nervous, and I need a little air
              D                G                      A                   Asus4
 'Cause with four balloons of heroine, it's getting crowded up in there
A
  Crowded up in there
 
 
 
 TRANSITION 1:
||:  Dsus2  Dsus2/F  | Dsus2/G   Asus4 A :|| (x2)
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
      Bm                           G
  My mind is all a-jumble and my blood is cold as ice
      D                               A
  I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise
     Bm                                 G
  "Relax" I say, "It's not so bad - it might feel kind of nice"
      D                             A
  "Besides, who hasn't had a finger up there once or twice?"
 
 
 
 PRE-CHORUS 2:
     Bm             G                D               A
  I must remember, don't leave any drugs inside the host
     Bm                  G                  D         A
  I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed
 
 
 
 CHORUS 2:
          D             G              A
  Well I say a little prayer; Hail "Maria Full of Grace"
              D               G            A
  I've got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place
        D               G              A
  I'm sweating and I'm nervous, and I need a little air
          D                G               A                 Asus4
  And I swear I’m farting lines of blow into my underwear
A
  From the darriere
 
 
 
 SOLO:
||:  Dsus2  Dsus2/F  | Dsus2/G   Asus4 A :|| (x4)
 
 
 
 BRIDGE:
     Bm                        G
  I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash
   D                            A
  Five balloons of extasy, and six balloons of hash
   Bm                            G
  Eight balloons of L.S.D., and nine of sensi mild
     D                        A                   Asus4   A
  A box of Chinese fireworks... Guatemalan child
 
 
 
 PRE-CHORUS 3:
        Bm             G               D              A
  I've made it to the gate now and my joy I can't contain
     Bm                  G                   D               A
  I board the aircraft, take my seat in the cockpit of the plane
 
 
 
 CHORUS 3:
        D             G                A
  As I taxi down the runway, I get a smile on my face
              D               G            A
  I've got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place
           D                G             A
  Flight Crew, prepare for take-off as I lift us in the air
      D                 G              A                      Asus4
  And by the way, does anyone want to buy a Guatemalan child
A
  From my darriere?
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
||:  Dsus2  Dsus2/F  | Dsus2/G   Asus4 A :|| (x4)
||   D               ||
 
 
 
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6.                                    D e a r   D i a r y   2
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     Am   C    Em   F    G   G/B
e]---0----0----0----1----3----0---|
B]---1----1----0----1----0----1---|
G]---2----0----0----2----0----0---|
D]---2----2----2----3----0----0---|
A]---0----3----2----3----2----2---|
E]-------------0----1----3--------|
 
 
 INTRO:
    C                 Em
e]--------------------------0~--------|
B]------------------------0----0------|
G]-----0-----0-----0----0--------0----|
D]-------0h2---0h2-----------------2--| (x2)
A]--3~--------------------------------|
E]--------------------0---------------|
 
 
 VERSE:
    C              Em
e]--------0~-------------0~--------|
B]------1----1---------0----0------|
G]----0--------0-----0--------0----|
D]---------------2--------------2--| (x4)
A]--3------------------------------|
E]-----------------0---------------|
 
 
    F              G                C        Cmaj9    Am               F               G
e]--------1~-------------3~-------|-------0--------0--------0~-------|-------1~----------3--|
B]------1----1---------0----0-----|-----1--------1--------1----1-----|-----1----1--------0--|
G]----2--------2-----0--------0---|---0--------0--------2--------2---|---2--------2------0--|
D]---------------3--------------0-|--------------------------------2-|--------------3----0--|
A]--------------------------------|-3--------2--------0--------------|-------------------2--|
E]--1--------------3--------------|----------------------------------|-1---------------3-3--|
 
C                 Em
  Dear Diary - today was a great day
C                     Em
  I bought myself a brand new horse
C                            Em
  She’s strong and fast, and so very beautiful
C                    Em
  And just a little wild, of course
 
 F                G
  I know tomorrow I can tame her
 C     G/B     Am
  If I only believe
   F                  G
  Wish me luck Diary
  N/C
  Christopher Reeve
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
    C                 Em              C
e]--------------------------0~------------0~~~--|
B]------------------------0----0---------1~~~---|
G]-----0-----0-----0----0--------0------0~~~----|
D]-------0h2---0h2-----------------2---2~~~-----|
A]--3~--------------------------------3~~~------|
E]--------------------0-------------------------|
 
 
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7.                                  M e d i e v a l   B u s h
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     Am   C    Dm   E
e]---0----0----1----0---|
B]---1----1----3----0---|
G]---2----0----2----1---|
D]---2----2----0----2---|
A]---0----3---------2---|
E]------------------0---|
 
 
 
 INTRO:
    Am
e]------------------------------------|
B]----1-1-1---1-1-1----1-1-1---1-1-1--|
G]----2-2-2---2-2-2----2-2-2---2-2-2--|
D]----2-2-2---2-2-2----2-2-2---2-2-2--|
A]--0-------0--------0-------0--------|
E]------------------------------------|
 
    Am               E                                Am
e]---------------------------------------------------------------------|
B]----1-1-1---1-1-1----0-0-0---0-0-0---0-0-0---0-0-0----1-1-1---1-1-1--|
G]----2-2-2---2-2-2----1-1-1---1-1-1---1-1-1---1-1-1----2-2-2---2-2-2--|
D]----2-2-2---2-2-2----2-2-2---2-2-2---2-2-2---2-2-2----2-2-2---2-2-2--|
A]--0-------0-----------------------------------------0-------0--------|
E]-------------------0-------0-------0-------0-------------------------|
 
    Dm               Am               E                 Am
e]----1-1-1---1-1-1-----------------------------------|-----------------------------------|
B]----3-3-3---3-3-3----1-1-1---1-1-1----0-0-0---0-0-0-|---1-1-1---1-1-1----1-1-1---1-1-1--|
G]----2-2-2---2-2-2----2-2-2---2-2-2----1-1-1---1-1-1-|---2-2-2---2-2-2----2-2-2---2-2-2--|
D]--0-------0----------2-2-2---2-2-2----2-2-2---2-2-2-|---2-2-2---2-2-2----2-2-2---2-2-2--|
A]-------------------0-------0------------------------|-0-------0--------0-------0--------|
E]------------------------------------0-------0-------|-----------------------------------|
 
 
 
 VERSE 1:
   Am                       E
  Come, fair lady, to mine bed we go
                              Am
  And, verily sweet pleasures we shall know
   Dm                             Am
  Yet, where thy belly meets thy limb
                          E                           Am
  I beseech thee give a trim, for thy bush doth overflow
 
 
 
 TRANSITION 1:
Am
  "Milady doth have a '70s muff - a 1470s muff!"
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
   Am                             E
  Zounds! It's as prickly as a Christmas wreath
                                Am
  Think it might hide some babybirds beneath
   Dm                           Am
  Pray, shave it off to make a coat
                                 E
  There are fur balls down my throat
                              Am
  Short and curlies twixt my teeth
 
 
 
 TRANSITION 2:
Am
  "I sayeth not thy vagina is hairsute,
   but it looketh like thou hast got Buckwheat in a leg-lock!"
 
 
 
 VERSE 3:
       Am                             E
  But soft! What hair through yonder girdle grows?
                          Am
  To be, or not to be put in cornrows
  Dm                      Am
  O! it is beastly and unruly
                          E                          Am
  And it smelleth of patchouli, and that offends my nose
 
 
 
 TRANSITION 3:
Am
  "I sayeth not thou art fury down there,
   but it doth resemble Fidel Castro eating a London broil!"
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
    Dm       C        E        Am
e]--------1--------0--------0--------0--|
B]------3--------1--------0----------1--|
G]----2--------0--------1------------2--|
D]--0-----------------------------------|
A]-----------3-----------------0--------|
E]--------------------0-----------------|
 
    Dm       C        E        Am E Am  E Am   E  Am
e]--------1--------0--------0-------------------------0~~~--|
B]------3--------1--------0----1--0--1--0--1---0-----1~~~---|
G]----2--------0--------1------2--1--2--1--2---1----2~~~----|
D]--0--------------------------2--2--2--2--2---2---2~~~-----|
A]-----------3------------------------------------0~~~------|
E]--------------------0-------------------------------------|
 
   Dm            C            E              Am
  Tra la la la, la la la la, la la la la la
   Dm            C            E          Am  E  Am  E  Am  E  Am
  Tra la la la, la la la la, la Medieval Bush!
 
 
 
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8.                               A   H i s t o r y   L e s s o n
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     Am   C    Dm   G
e]---0----0----1----3---|
B]---1----1----3----3---|
G]---2----0----2----0---|
D]---2----2----0----0---|
A]---0----3---------2---|
E]------------------3---|
 
 
 INTRO:
||: Am   C   | Am   C   :|| (x2)
 
 
 
 VERSE 1:
Am                   C
  Ben Franklin went out one night
Am                   C
  Tied a key to the end of a kite
Am               C
  Electricity struck so bright
            G           Dm
  Write it down, motherfuckers!
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
Am                 C
  Isaac Newton sat under a tree
Am                         C
  An apple hit him in the head so he
Am                           C
  Said, "Holy shit, that's gravity!"
            G           Dm
  Write it down, motherfuckers!
 
 
 
 VERSE 3:
Am                 C
  Pilgrims raced against the clock
Am                        C
  Looking for a place to dock
Am                              C
  They said, "Fuck it, here's Plymouth rock"
            G           Dm
  Write it down, motherfuckers!
 
 
 
 VERSE 4:
Am             C
  A dude named Orville Wright
Am                      C
  Told his bro, "Let's invent flight"
Am                 C
  So Wilbur said "Aight"
            G           Dm
  Write it down, motherfuckers!
 
 
 
 VERSE 5:
Am             C
  Abe Lincoln led the nation
Am                   C
  Freed slaves from the plantation
Am                               C
  Emanci-motherfucking proclamation
            G           Dm
  Write it down, motherfuckers!
 
 
 
 VERSE 6:
Am            C
  Gandhi is what you said
Am               C
  An Indian with a bald head
Am                 C
  And he was a bit underfed
            G           Dm
  Write it down, motherfuckers!
 
 
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9.                                    D e a r   D i a r y   3
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     Am   C    Em   F    G   G/B
e]---0----0----0----1----3----0---|
B]---1----1----0----1----0----1---|
G]---2----0----0----2----0----0---|
D]---2----2----2----3----0----0---|
A]---0----3----2----3----2----2---|
E]-------------0----1----3--------|
 
 
 INTRO:
    C                 Em
e]--------------------------0~--------|
B]------------------------0----0------|
G]-----0-----0-----0----0--------0----|
D]-------0h2---0h2-----------------2--| (x2)
A]--3~--------------------------------|
E]--------------------0---------------|
 
 
 VERSE:
    C              Em
e]--------0~-------------0~--------|
B]------1----1---------0----0------|
G]----0--------0-----0--------0----|
D]---------------2--------------2--| (x4)
A]--3------------------------------|
E]-----------------0---------------|
 
    F              G                C        Cmaj9    Am               F               G
e]--------1~-------------3~-------|-------0--------0--------0~-------|-------1~----------3--|
B]------1----1---------0----0-----|-----1--------1--------1----1-----|-----1----1--------0--|
G]----2--------2-----0--------0---|---0--------0--------2--------2---|---2--------2------0--|
D]---------------3--------------0-|--------------------------------2-|--------------3----0--|
A]--------------------------------|-3--------2--------0--------------|-------------------2--|
E]--1--------------3--------------|----------------------------------|-1---------------3-3--|
 
 
C                 Em
  Dear Diary - today was a fine day
C                    Em
  I've got the music in my soul
C                        Em
  I’m writing songs and making records
C                    Em
  I feel my life is finally whole
 
F                  G
  I can’t wait to tell my father
C        G/B          Am
  To see what he will say
   F                    G
  Peace and love Diary,
  N/C
  Marvin Gaye
 
 
 OUTRO:
    C                 Em              C
e]--------------------------0~------------0~~~--|
B]------------------------0----0---------1~~~---|
G]-----0-----0-----0----0--------0------0~~~----|
D]-------0h2---0h2-----------------2---2~~~-----|
A]--3~--------------------------------3~~~------|
E]--------------------0-------------------------|
 
 
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10.                            Y o u   ( P r e t t i e r   T h a n )
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
    A  Asus2  Bm   D    E  Esus4 F#m
e]--0----0----2----2----0----0----2--|
B]--2----0----3----3----0----0----2--|
G]--2----2----4----2----1----2----2--|
D]--2----2----4----0----2----2----4--|
A]--0----0----2---------2----2----4--|
E]----------------------0----0----2--|
 
 
 INTRO:
||: A        | A        :|| (x2)
 
 
 
 VERSE 1:
   A                Am              E
  Hand in hand, we walk the city, 'neath the darkened skies
    A             Am                E
  Stealing kisses in the shadows, away from prying eyes
   D                              F#m
  Hiding out from those we know, secrets whispered, voices low
   D                               F#m                 E
  Pulses racing, hearts aflame, a love that dare not speak its name
 
 
 
 CHORUS 1:
        A                 Bm
  Well we just can't let people see
        D               F#m
  That you're not hot enough for me
         A                Bm
  Don't tell our families or our friends
       D             E
  Say one word and this thing ends
F#m           Esus4               E            A
  It's true,         'cause I'm prettier than you
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
        A              Am             E
  I'll take you on a special date, enjoy your company
      A               Am               E
  If someone we know happens by, just hide behind that tree
   D                                F#m
  To a late night picture show, or planetarium we'll go
     D                            F#m              E
  A midnight picnic in the park - anywhere that's really dark
 
 
 
 CHORUS 2:
         A                 Bm
  Well, we just can't let people see
        D               F#m
  That you're not hot enough for me
        A                Bm
  But I'll enjoy this - right or wrong
        D              E
  'Til someone better comes along
F#m        Esus4            E            A
  My boo,         someone prettier than you
 
 
 
 BRIDGE:
     A                 Am            E
  I wish I weren't a shallow man, I wish that I cared not
     A                 Am             E
  I wish I weren't so superficial, I wish you were more hot
      D                               F#m
  I should not be ashamed, you see, I love your personality
    D                                 F#m                 E
  What we have is good and true, for you've got me and - lucky you!
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
      A                 Bm
  Oh we just can't let people see
        D               F#m
  That you're not hot enough for me
       A                Bm
  So close your eyes and sing along
      D                E
  At least I wrote you a love song
F#m        Esus4       E            A
  It too,         is prettier than you
 
 
 
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11.                         T h e   B a l l a d   o f   S c a r f a c e
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
  A7sus4  Cm Cadd9  D    G
e]---3----3----3----2----3---|
B]---3----4----3----3----3---|
G]---2----5----0----2----0---|
D]---2----5----2----0----0---|
A]---0----3----3---------2---|
E]-----------------------3---|
 
 
 INTRO:
||: G        | A7sus4   | Cadd9    | G        :|| (x2)
 
 
 
 VERSE 1:
   G                        A7sus4
  Do you know Tony Montana? Rode a boat here from Havana
    Cadd9                            G
  A "scar from eating pussy lines'" face
   G                             A7sus4
  Finds a dayjob washing dishes; hates his life, he only wishes
  Cadd9                               G
  Some day in this world defines his place
 
 
 
 CHORUS 1:
          D     Cadd9
  And he has a scheme
           D         Cadd9
  For his own drug regime
    Cm               G
  Dream, Scarface, dream
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
   G                             A7sus4
  Hired by the gangster Omar, he climbs the ranks, he's getting so far
  Cadd9                                G
  Selling guns and drugs out in the street
   G                                      A7sus4
  Soon he works for Frank, the main boss, doing hits and dodging chainsaws
  Cadd9                             G
  Getting rich and living life so sweet
 
 
 
 CHORUS 2:
           D     Cadd9
  But he craves romance
          D    Cadd9
  In his disco pants
   Cm               G
  Dance, Scarface, dance
 
 
 
 VERSE 3:
   G                                    A7sus4
  See, Tony wants to rule the world, so he kills Frank and steals his girl
  Cadd9                               G
  She'll give him the son he's never had
    G                           A7sus4
  Alas, her womb is so polluted from the powder she has tooted
          Cadd9                            G
  There'll be no son, and that makes Tony sad
 
 
 
 CHORUS 3:
         D         Cadd9
  As he looks to the sky
             D       Cadd9
  Hear his plaintive cry
   Cm            G
  Fly, pelican, fly
 
 
 
 BRIDGE:
A7sus4                     Cadd9                G
  Now he starts to get too high on his own supply
                    D            A7sus4
  Thinking he's the only game in town
                    Cadd9                  G
  And his enemies decide on a plot of regicide
                     D               A7sus4    G   Cadd9
  It's time for the king to lose his crown
                    G
  Scarface must go down
 
 
 
 VERSE 4:
      G                                A7sus4
  Oh Tony's killers soon surround him, sensing death has finally found him
     Cadd9                             G
  He aims his gun, prepared to do his part
      G                                   A7sus4
  And as he shouts "It's not the end! Say hello to my little friend"
   Cadd9                                 G
  Assassins' bullets pierce his fragile heart
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
           D      Cadd9
  It's a tragic goodbye
           D      Cadd9
  He had flown so high
         D    Cadd9
  Cuban butterfly
   Cm             G
  Die, Scarface, die
 
 
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12.                                        A m e r i c a
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     A    D    E   F#m
e]---0----2----0----2---|
B]---2----3----0----2---|
G]---2----2----1----2---|
D]---2----0----2----4---|
A]---0---------2----4---|
E]-------------0----2---|
 
 
 VERSE 1:
   D    A     E         F#m
  Hey, hey, what do you say?
     D            A              E      F#m
  I come from a place called the U.S. of A.
   D   A    E          F#m
  Ho, ho, what do you know
   D         A             E
  Hop in my car and let's go
 
 
 
 CHORUS 1:
          A                  E
  Well, this is a song for America
   A                           E
  Home of the red, white and blue
   D                  A
  Land of Marilyn Monroe and James Dean
  D                         A
  Apple pie, baseball and Shell gasoline
       A            E              A
  And if you don't love her, fuck you
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
     D        A           E         F#m
  Beloved by all from Tikrit to Beijing
          D              A            E         F#m
  If the world were a school we'd be homecoming king
   D             A             E        F#m
  Worshiped by France, and by North Vietnam
     D         A               E
  Afganistan thinks we're the bomb
 
 
 
 CHORUS 2:
        A                  E
  Oh, this is a song for America
   A                           E
  Home of the red, white and blue
   D                  A
  Land of Marilyn Monroe and James Dean
  D                         A
  Apple pie, baseball and Shell gasoline
  D                  A
  SUVs, handguns and US Magazine
       A            E              A
  And if you don't love her, fuck you
 
 
 
 VERSE 3:
       D            A         E           F#m
  Our Human Rights record is something of note
       D             A              E        F#m
  We freed all our slaves and gave women the vote
  D          A         E       F#m
  Everyone's equal, forever, always
D                A           E
  Unless you're one of them gays
 
 
 
 CHORUS 3:
        A                  E
  Oh, this is a song for America
   A                           E
  Home of the red, white and blue
   D                  A
  Land of Marilyn Monroe and James Dean
  D                         A
  Apple pie, baseball and Shell gasoline
  D                  A
  SUVs, handguns and US Magazine
 D                    A
  Low-carb diets and fast food cuisine
       A            E              A
  And if you don't love her, fuck you
 
 
 
 VERSE 4:
      D            A            E          F#m
  To all war-torn nations, to those in termoil
         D             A              E             F#m
  We'll help you kill despots, we'll help you drill oil
      D             A              E        F#m
  And if you don't want our help,    that's okay
         D         A   E
  We're coming in any way
 
 
 
 BRIDGE:
        A                  E
  Oh, this is a song for America
   A                           E
  Home of the red, white and blue
   D                  A
  Land of Marilyn Monroe and James Dean
  D                         A
  Apple pie, baseball and Shell gasoline
  D                  A
  SUVs, handguns and US Magazine
 D                    A
  Low-carb diets and fast food cuisine
    D                         A
  Crack, cocaine, Abu Ghraib and nicotine
    D             A
  Swindling CEOs getting off clean
   D                            A
  House wives all hopped up on amphetamine
   D                 A
  Nipples get rated NC-17
   D                   A
  FEMA and levees and Hurricane Katrina
   D                          F#m
  George Bush's great rolling war machine
      D              E             A
  I think we're in trouble, don't you?
 
 
 
 VERSE 5/OUTRO:
      D            A               E             F#m
  It might seem I don't think our country's so great
         D          A         E             F#m
  But intolerance, bigotry, greed's what I hate
   D              A          E          F#m
  Most folks are honest and decent and true
   D            A           E                  F#m
  Peaceful, compassionate, good through and through
    D             A           E              F#m
  That's what it means to be red, white and blue
      D              E            A
  And if you don't think so fuck you
  D              E            A      E  A
  If you don't think so fuck you
 
 
 
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13.                                  D e a r   D i a r y   4
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     Am   C    Em   F    G   G/B
e]---0----0----0----1----3----0---|
B]---1----1----0----1----0----1---|
G]---2----0----0----2----0----0---|
D]---2----2----2----3----0----0---|
A]---0----3----2----3----2----2---|
E]-------------0----1----3--------|
 
 
 INTRO:
    C                 Em
e]--------------------------0~--------|
B]------------------------0----0------|
G]-----0-----0-----0----0--------0----|
D]-------0h2---0h2-----------------2--| (x2)
A]--3~--------------------------------|
E]--------------------0---------------|
 
 VERSE:
    C              Em
e]--------0~-------------0~--------|
B]------1----1---------0----0------|
G]----0--------0-----0--------0----|
D]---------------2--------------2--| (x4)
A]--3------------------------------|
E]-----------------0---------------|
 
    F              G                C        Cmaj9    Am               F               G
e]--------1~-------------3~-------|-------0--------0--------0~-------|-------1~----------3--|
B]------1----1---------0----0-----|-----1--------1--------1----1-----|-----1----1--------0--|
G]----2--------2-----0--------0---|---0--------0--------2--------2---|---2--------2------0--|
D]---------------3--------------0-|--------------------------------2-|--------------3----0--|
A]--------------------------------|-3--------2--------0--------------|-------------------2--|
E]--1--------------3--------------|----------------------------------|-1---------------3-3--|
 
C                 Em
  Dear Diary - today was a grand day
C                     Em
  Took a bath, had a spot of tea
C                   Em
  Did the New York Times Crossword puzzle
C                Em
  Listened to a symphony
 
 
 F                        G
  I think I'll go for a leisurely drive now
 C             G/B       Am
  See what the day will bring
 F                    G
  Life is good. Love,
  N/C
  Rodney King
 
 
 
 OUTRO:
    C                 Em              C
e]--------------------------0~------------0~~~--|
B]------------------------0----0---------1~~~---|
G]-----0-----0-----0----0--------0------0~~~----|
D]-------0h2---0h2-----------------2---2~~~-----|
A]--3~--------------------------------3~~~------|
E]--------------------0-------------------------|
 
 
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14.                                     H a l l e l u j a h
                      ( p l a y e d   o r i g i n a l l y   o n   P i a n o )
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Tabbed by Jordan Lapping
 
Tuning: E (Standard)
 
 
 CHORDS USED:
     Am   Bb   C    F    G   G/B
e]---0----x----0----1----3----0---|
B]---1----3----1----1----0----1---|
G]---2----3----0----2----0----0---|
D]---2----3----2----3----0----0---|
A]---0----1----3----3----2----2---|
E]------------------1----3--------|
 
 
 INTRO:
||: C       | G       | Am      | F       :|| (x2)
 
 
 
 VERSE 1:
     C                              G
  I want to write you a poem that stands the test of all time
     Am                                          F
  A couplet, a quatrain, a balled, an ode, with meter and rhythm and rhyme
     C                                      G
  I want it to speak of your virtue; sing praise to your stature and poise
     Am                                      F
  I want it to capture your beauty; the soul that's alive in your voice
     C                                       G
  I want it to tell of your wisdom, how the courage within your heart soars
       Am                                           F             G          C
  But all I can think of is how I'd be loving them big, big, big titties of yours
 
 
 
 CHORUS 1:
  Bb   F        C     Bb    F            C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhh how my heart sings
  Bb   F        C     Bb   F                C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhhhhh, love those things
 
 
 
 VERSE 2:
        C                                        G
  They bounce like a kid on a trampoline, they swing like a '40s jazz band
        Am                                     F
  They stand up like a rock-solid alibi, they don't even fit in my hand
        C                                           G
  They curve like a pitch in the Big Leagues, they burn with a passion so hot
       Am                                                 F             G              C
  And that is the reason I can't wait to squeeze on them big, big, big titties you've got
 
 
 
 CHORUS 2:
  Bb   F        C     Bb    F             C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhh love's in the air
  Bb   F        C     Bb   F           C      G/B
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhhhhh, what a pair
 
 
 
 BRIDGE:
  Am          G                F                G
  I need to knead them, like sculptures knead clay
        Am           G           F          G
  They dance in my dreams in a graceful ballet
        Am            G          F            G          C
  I'll kiss them so sweetly goodnight at the end of the day
 
 
 
 VERSE 3:
           C                                     G
  They're firm like a John Grisham novel, they swell like a wave in the sea
      Am                                              F
  No matter what part of the room that I'm in they're always looking at m
           C                                       G
  They're soft like the cheek of a baby, they're sweet like the honey of bees
        Am                                          F                G              C
  I'll never ignore them, I'll even adore them someday when they're touching your knees
 
 
 
 CHORUS 3/OUTRO:
  Bb   F        C     Bb   F          C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhhhhh what a rack
  Bb   F        C     Bb   F             C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhhhhh hurt your back
  Bb   F        C     Bb   F          C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhhhhh on my knees
  Bb   F        C     Bb   F         C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhhhhh double D's
  Bb   F        C     Bb   F        C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhhhhh glory be
  Bb   F        C     Bb   F             C
  Ohhhhhh Hallelujah, ohhhhhh set them free...
 
 
 
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               [ B O N U S ]   N e w e r   "D e a r   D i a r y"   E n t r i e s
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
 
 DEAR DIARY 5:
C                Em
  Dear Diary, today was a good day
C                 Em
  I'm a girl who sings with soul
C                        Em
  I’m writing songs and making records
C                    Em
  I feel my life is finally whole
 
F                 G
  I'll out sell Whitney and Janet
C    G/B      Am
  Celine and Madonna
     F                     G
  I feel a big hit coming
   N/C
  Rihanna
 
 
 
 DEAR DIARY 6:
C                   Em
  Dear Diary, last night was a rough night
C                   Em
  I stayed awake, thinking deep
C                   Em
  I had to call my favourite doctor
C                        Em
  To give me medicine to help me sleep
 
F                       G
  I think the drugs he gave me are working
C         G/B        Am
  And I'm finally relaxin'
    F              G
  Goodnight Diary
   N/C
  "He-he-heee!"
 
 
 
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                                      A n y   Q u e s t i o n s ?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
 
If you have any questions regarding anything in this guide, feel free to message me over here on
Ultimate Guitar. I'll try and respond as quickly as possible, and I'm more than happy to help out if
I can. Any corrections may also be messaged to me, but I have done my best to double-check (and
triple-check) everything in here. But, there's often that pesky little mistake that seems to stick
out like a sore thumb to everyone else, when to me it's practically invisible!
 
Lastly, the content here is as correct as I can get it. I've tabbed this out in the manner which
Stephen performs it; if you prefer to perform it different then that is absolutely fine. However,
100% accuracy cannot ever be ensured, but a good 90-95% of the content in here certainly is.
 
Visit my page at www.YouTube.com/StephenLynchsFan to see instrumental performances of anything in
here; perhaps to give you a better idea of how I perform it, or just to have a good listen and
enjoy the music.
 
Thanks for reading guys, I hope this proves useful!
 
 
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                                            T H E   E N D
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X