Juanita And The Kids Cifras

Juanita and the Kids
written by C.W. Kalb, Jr., and Lonnie Carneal
from the album "#1 With a Bullet"
tabbed 9/8/05
 
[Intro]
C  F
 
[Verse]
C
I got a letter from the IRS
F
Inviting me to be their guest
      C                                   G
At an audit they were conducting just for me
             C
They said no need to worry, probably nothing wrong
F
Just bring your wife and your children along
         C                  G            C
We just need to clear up a small technicality
 
C
Now the only problem with an audit is
F
My wife Juanita and our 14 kids
            C                                         G
Friends you cannot believe the refunds they have been worth
           C
But it was years ago that I got this idea
       F
When I bought Juanita thru the mail from Korea
          C                       G                          C
She's an inflatable doll, but she came with a certificate of birth
 
         G
I was a single guy without any deductions
      C
So I claimed Juanita and what a reduction
   F                                             G
I received with her as my spouse on the taxes I pay
C
That worked so well that every year after that
    F
I reported a birth when I paid my tax
          C           G               C
Each kid certified by Cabbage Patch USA
 
[Chorus]
      C
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
F
My inflatable senorita
    C                                      G
The IRS wants to take you and the children away (away-ay-ay-ay)
         C
You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt
F
Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt
        C                       G                C
Jan and Dean, Irlene, Louise, Barbara and little Ray (little Ray)
 
[Instrumental]
F  C
 
      C
So I dressed Juanita like the perfect mother
F
Velcro'd the children to one another
             C                                                       G
And when we walked into that audit those people nearly flipped their lids
        C
I said Juanita might lay around and never cook
        F
And the children don't clean their rooms and never crack a book
        C                                G                 C
But hey they ain't no different from my brother's wife and kids
 
          G
And I got social security cards here for every one
   C
My wife, my daughters and all of my sons
     F                                          G
All offically issued by the government of the USA
     C
So before you call me down to muster
F
Somebody here better think twice buster
        C                                    G                        C
Do you really wanna be the one to accuse the government of making a big mistake
 
[Chorus]
       C
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
F
My C-oh-2 senorita
    C                                       G
The IRS wants to take you and the children away (away-ay-ay-ay)
        C
You and Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt
F
Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt
        C                      G                 C
Jan and Dean, Irlene, Louise, Barbara and little Ray (little Ray)
 
[Bridge]
     G
That agent sat there his mouth agape
G
Thinking over that government mistake
            G                                     C
And how his civil service career could be at its end
 
And then he reached for his stamp that said approved
         F
And said hope the kids do better next year and school
              C                       G                        C
And why don't you and the missus drop by and say hello now and then
 
[Chorus]
     C
Oh Juanita (Juanita)
F
My inflatable senorita
C                                      G
Looks like you and the kids all get to stay (stay-ay-ay-ay)
C
What's that honey, you need to get home quick?
F
You say you started feelin' a little sick?
         C                    G                   C
And you think you might once again be in a family way?
 
C                                                             F
What's that?  You think it might be triplets this time?
                    C
Juanita, you are a wonder!
    G               C
Do what?   Why, of course we can support your mother!
                 G                                     C
I even think her moving expenses are deductible too.
                                       F
Does she still live in Bangkok? 
X